Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He better not be in your backpack
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
