And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.