Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
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There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.