This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
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One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.