I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"