its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.