She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire