it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
