its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
