yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize