watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
