The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
