he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize