It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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