I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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