Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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