wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
