Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
