i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone