I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won