Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.