Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.