I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.