I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar