love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie