Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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