I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize