The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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