8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You've changed since you got that strap on
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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