That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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