I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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