hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My pussy is not your playground.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
