Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
