Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
