I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize