i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies