Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves