Wow word travels fast.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dating After Heartbreak
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?