Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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