Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
