he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.