He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional