As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.