I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive