I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
