how can u be prego again
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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