There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
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You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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