so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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