sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
