Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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