Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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