the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I look better un-naked...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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