his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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