yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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