Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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