i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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