Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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