only if we run a train.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay