Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid