Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week