he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.