I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
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no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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