I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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