you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
