Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off