dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...