Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home