I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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