His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
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Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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