I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize