Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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