At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
